I'd like to start a "things I'm learning" segment to the blog. I've learned a lot already in this deployment, and I'm sure, in the next year, I will learn a lot more.
So, for the first "Things I'm learning"...
1. People really don't know what to say.
When people find out that Dave's deployed, they really don't know what to say to me. Some people think it's a good idea to bash the war. I don't know how many times I've heard, "Let's bring those boys home." They learn (pretty quickly) that's really not my stance. And, being an Army wife with a deployed husband, I'd like to think that my opinion is a little more "valid". I recently laid into a political staffer who said, "Well, don't you want your husband home?" Yeah. I do. But being selfish right now isn't in the best interest of the world. The Iraqi people deserve freedom. Just because I want my husband home doesn't mean that they shouldn't have freedom. I also don't think this is a good lesson to show my son. When you do something, you do it right, and you do it until the job is done. Whether we should have gone over there in the first place doesn't matter now. We're there. Let's finish it and do it right. Anything worth doing isn't easy. I don't want my son to think, 'Hey, dad missed out on a lot of my milestones for nothing.' When things get tough, you don't just put your tail between your legs and retreat. That doesn't solve anything.
People also apologize. I don't want to hear that 'you're sorry'. I know there really are no other words. Other than, "Aw, man. That sucks." That's about the best response I've gotten in this deployment. It's true. It does suck.
2. The only movies that I should watch must contain a muppet or two.
Anything else makes me cry. I happened upon Forrest Gump the other night. Good Lord. I cried and cried. Even comedies make me cry. Why? I always think, "David would LOVE this movie." Then I cry.
3. The ONLY people who really understand what you're going through are other army wives/fiance's who going through this same deployment--right now.
Please. Don't tell me that you know "exactly" how I feel because your husband was gone last week/for a few days/overnight. I could do a week standing on my head. And I really don't want to hear, "Well, he's only been gone a few months. That's not that bad, yet." Really? That's easy for you to say because you slept next to your husband last night, in your bed, safely. I know you're trying to help me. But it's not working. It just makes me feel worse.
I've been blessed to be able to talk to a few Army wives (Bush's wife and Barnes' wife) and Army fiancee (Smith's fiance) who know exactly how I feel. Liam and I might have to take a trip to Kansas to visit the gals. :)
4. I need to make time to cry. (aka: I should have bought stock in Kleenex)
I've found that when I try to be strong and not cry, it just creeps up on me and the tears flow at the most inoppurtune time (like sitting at my desk at work when one of "our songs" happen to come on the radio). I've found it's best to sit down, take a deep breath late at night and just let it out. This way Steve Perry can't sneak up on me. (Damn you, Journey and your wonderful ballads!)
5. I'm stronger than I ever thought I could be.
I've been through a lot in my 27 years on this planet. I've seen a lot. I've experienced a lot. I never thought I could miss someone as much as I miss Dave. Yet, somehow, I find the strength to get out of bed every morning, go to work, be the best mom I can be to our son and go to bed...just to do it all over again the next day. One day down, one day closer to being back in my husband's arms.