Showing posts with label things I'm learning. Show all posts
Showing posts with label things I'm learning. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Wordless Wednesday: This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things
Monday, March 21, 2011
Discussing Death with the Kids
I knew the conversation would be coming up soon. I just didn't know that a topic with such gravity would be so well handled...thus far.
My husband is blessed to still have a Grandparent alive. I never knew my Father's parents, as they passed before I was born. My Grandma JoAnn died when I was 6 and I can still remember her house, spending the night with her and thinking she was the smartest person in the world because she helped me figure out a Rainbow Brite word jumble (it was backwards and she held it up to a mirror so I could read it). I remember Grandma's funeral and refusing to go to the cemetery. I remember how upset my dad was with me, but I just refused to go. I wanted to remember Grandma cooking in the kitchen, working in her garden and showing me how to make hospital corners on the bed when putting fresh sheets from the clothesline on.
My Maternal Grandfather passed when I was a Senior in High School. He and I were very close. So close that he gave me his Wings from WWII. So close that I was chosen to be the Lector at his funeral. So close that every day after cheerleading practice after school, I'd drive in to Carroll just to sit with him for a few hours...even if he insisted on watching "Wheel of Fortune". When he died, I took it hard. He was my last Grandparent. He was my Grandpa. He was my friend.
I didn't get to meet David's Paternal Grandfather but I did attend his funeral. We had been dating about 4 months when he died. Attending his funeral brought up memories of my own Grandpa and I think I cried harder than those who knew Loel (Dave's Grandpa).
But life and death is a cycle. Our second child, Sean, was born on the 5 year anniversary of Loel's death. Sean was 3 days before his scheduled date and just decided that's when he was going to be born. And Sean is ALL Bowman. A man of few words. A man of action. He may not say it, but you know he loves you. And from what I understand, his Great-Grandfather was the same way.
David's Maternal Grandfather is now in his last chapter. He's been suffering from Alzheimer's for some time now and his body is slowly breaking down. It's been a sad, slow process. We've allowed my in-laws to take Liam to visit him on occasion, but on Saturday we got a call we've feared. He's going fast. They're moving him from the nursing home to the hospital.
Liam was visiting my parents for the weekend and Dave took Sean. Sean is too little (he'll be 2 in April) to remember the visit, but it would be good for Great Grandpa to see him. I kept my parents informed as to what was going on and Liam said, "Great Grandpa Bob is dying."
I'm not sure how he'll take it once Grandpa does go. Liam has never seen a body. He hasn't been to a funeral or a wake. I'm not sure how he'll process it all once it does happen. But he seems to understand that when people die, they don't come back. He knows about heaven and Jesus (and thanks to a kid at preschool, "black angels") and that our soul lives on but the body dies. That's some pretty heavy stuff for a five year old.
I'm sure Sean won't know what's going on, but in the interest of being honest, we're planning on telling him the straight facts. We're not going to say "he's sleeping" or anything like that...just that he died.
How have you explained death to your kids? What worked for you and your family?
My husband is blessed to still have a Grandparent alive. I never knew my Father's parents, as they passed before I was born. My Grandma JoAnn died when I was 6 and I can still remember her house, spending the night with her and thinking she was the smartest person in the world because she helped me figure out a Rainbow Brite word jumble (it was backwards and she held it up to a mirror so I could read it). I remember Grandma's funeral and refusing to go to the cemetery. I remember how upset my dad was with me, but I just refused to go. I wanted to remember Grandma cooking in the kitchen, working in her garden and showing me how to make hospital corners on the bed when putting fresh sheets from the clothesline on.
My Maternal Grandfather passed when I was a Senior in High School. He and I were very close. So close that he gave me his Wings from WWII. So close that I was chosen to be the Lector at his funeral. So close that every day after cheerleading practice after school, I'd drive in to Carroll just to sit with him for a few hours...even if he insisted on watching "Wheel of Fortune". When he died, I took it hard. He was my last Grandparent. He was my Grandpa. He was my friend.
I didn't get to meet David's Paternal Grandfather but I did attend his funeral. We had been dating about 4 months when he died. Attending his funeral brought up memories of my own Grandpa and I think I cried harder than those who knew Loel (Dave's Grandpa).
But life and death is a cycle. Our second child, Sean, was born on the 5 year anniversary of Loel's death. Sean was 3 days before his scheduled date and just decided that's when he was going to be born. And Sean is ALL Bowman. A man of few words. A man of action. He may not say it, but you know he loves you. And from what I understand, his Great-Grandfather was the same way.
David's Maternal Grandfather is now in his last chapter. He's been suffering from Alzheimer's for some time now and his body is slowly breaking down. It's been a sad, slow process. We've allowed my in-laws to take Liam to visit him on occasion, but on Saturday we got a call we've feared. He's going fast. They're moving him from the nursing home to the hospital.
Liam was visiting my parents for the weekend and Dave took Sean. Sean is too little (he'll be 2 in April) to remember the visit, but it would be good for Great Grandpa to see him. I kept my parents informed as to what was going on and Liam said, "Great Grandpa Bob is dying."
I'm not sure how he'll take it once Grandpa does go. Liam has never seen a body. He hasn't been to a funeral or a wake. I'm not sure how he'll process it all once it does happen. But he seems to understand that when people die, they don't come back. He knows about heaven and Jesus (and thanks to a kid at preschool, "black angels") and that our soul lives on but the body dies. That's some pretty heavy stuff for a five year old.
I'm sure Sean won't know what's going on, but in the interest of being honest, we're planning on telling him the straight facts. We're not going to say "he's sleeping" or anything like that...just that he died.
How have you explained death to your kids? What worked for you and your family?
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Sooo very tired
This has been the longest week ever. Between snowpocalypse, Dave's crazy work schedule, having three crazy boys stuck in the house and Baby B getting his first two teeth, I'm exhausted.
Brendan is discovering the power of these new found teeth. And he bites while nursing. And pulls. And when I tell him "no", he laughs. *sigh* We introduced solids to him, the traditional homemade sweet potato and breast milk puree. He did really well with it.
Liam decided one morning this week that he could draw things that actually resemble something. He pulled out his Little Einsteins Create a Masterpiece Doodler and drew a picture of the family.
Well, it kind of looked like the family. Sean was flying over everyone's head, or so I've been told. I'm pretty proud that his "people" now have eyes and bodies.
Brendan is discovering the power of these new found teeth. And he bites while nursing. And pulls. And when I tell him "no", he laughs. *sigh* We introduced solids to him, the traditional homemade sweet potato and breast milk puree. He did really well with it.
Liam decided one morning this week that he could draw things that actually resemble something. He pulled out his Little Einsteins Create a Masterpiece Doodler and drew a picture of the family.
Sean has decided he's ready for the potty. Of course, he sees big brother going potty in the potty and knows he uses the Cars potty seat. He likes to put it on the lid of the toilet when he's ready to use it. We've had a few pee pee's in the potty. He will walk in there and yell when he's ready to go. Of course we praise him when he's done...and then he usually wants nothing to do with his diaper and runs off naked. *sigh* I'm sure getting my exercise chasing after him, tackling him and wrestling the diaper on him!
So let's recap. Liam draws, Sean pees and Brendan bites. Throw in my husband's crazy schedule and a blizzard and you've got one exhausted mama.
Emma and I are going out for "Girl's Night Out" tonight and I'm really looking forward to it. But, before I can go, I have to do some food prep for the Superbowl, clean the place and tackle the growing pile of laundry that needs folded.
A mom's job is never done.
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
Things I'm learning...Part 2--Post Office Edition
See? I told you I'm learning a lot.
1. Flat rate boxes are a life (and bank account) saver.
Counting the boxes I'm dropping off tonight, I'll have sent 6 packages to Iraq already. Six. In less than a month. I think I'm doing pretty good as a wife. :) And considering the flat rate boxes cost 8.95, no matter how much you pack into them (just as long as they don't bulge) it's really saved our pocketbook too.
2. I really CAN pack. I just didn't know it.
Maybe we could call this 1.b, because it is kind of along the same lines. I had no idea I could fit so many pictures, dvd's(because I take them out of their cases), books, papers, drink mixes etc etc etc. into a box. Creative packing...that's all I've got to say.
3. Don't let the toddler near the boxes while packing.
I wouldn't be suprised if Dave called to tell me that one of Liam's cars ended up in Iraq. Liam's always pulling things out/putting things into the boxes when I'm trying to find the customs form/find more things to put in the box/clean up Liam's previous mess. I've learned I just have to sit down with all of my items, THEN put the box together, THEN pack it. No breaks in between. Because Lighting McQueen might end up over there...and heaven forbid we have to wait the shipping time for it to come back!!
4. The people at the post office already know me.
I go to the same post office after work when I have a package to send. And the postal employees have started asking me how he is...lol. They wave and smile when they see me now and know that when I come in, our transaction will always end with, "Can I get a few more of the flat rate boxes?"
Well, time to fill out those oh, so fun custom forms!
1. Flat rate boxes are a life (and bank account) saver.
Counting the boxes I'm dropping off tonight, I'll have sent 6 packages to Iraq already. Six. In less than a month. I think I'm doing pretty good as a wife. :) And considering the flat rate boxes cost 8.95, no matter how much you pack into them (just as long as they don't bulge) it's really saved our pocketbook too.
2. I really CAN pack. I just didn't know it.
Maybe we could call this 1.b, because it is kind of along the same lines. I had no idea I could fit so many pictures, dvd's(because I take them out of their cases), books, papers, drink mixes etc etc etc. into a box. Creative packing...that's all I've got to say.
3. Don't let the toddler near the boxes while packing.
I wouldn't be suprised if Dave called to tell me that one of Liam's cars ended up in Iraq. Liam's always pulling things out/putting things into the boxes when I'm trying to find the customs form/find more things to put in the box/clean up Liam's previous mess. I've learned I just have to sit down with all of my items, THEN put the box together, THEN pack it. No breaks in between. Because Lighting McQueen might end up over there...and heaven forbid we have to wait the shipping time for it to come back!!
4. The people at the post office already know me.
I go to the same post office after work when I have a package to send. And the postal employees have started asking me how he is...lol. They wave and smile when they see me now and know that when I come in, our transaction will always end with, "Can I get a few more of the flat rate boxes?"
Well, time to fill out those oh, so fun custom forms!
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Things I'm learning....
I'd like to start a "things I'm learning" segment to the blog. I've learned a lot already in this deployment, and I'm sure, in the next year, I will learn a lot more.
So, for the first "Things I'm learning"...
1. People really don't know what to say.
When people find out that Dave's deployed, they really don't know what to say to me. Some people think it's a good idea to bash the war. I don't know how many times I've heard, "Let's bring those boys home." They learn (pretty quickly) that's really not my stance. And, being an Army wife with a deployed husband, I'd like to think that my opinion is a little more "valid". I recently laid into a political staffer who said, "Well, don't you want your husband home?" Yeah. I do. But being selfish right now isn't in the best interest of the world. The Iraqi people deserve freedom. Just because I want my husband home doesn't mean that they shouldn't have freedom. I also don't think this is a good lesson to show my son. When you do something, you do it right, and you do it until the job is done. Whether we should have gone over there in the first place doesn't matter now. We're there. Let's finish it and do it right. Anything worth doing isn't easy. I don't want my son to think, 'Hey, dad missed out on a lot of my milestones for nothing.' When things get tough, you don't just put your tail between your legs and retreat. That doesn't solve anything.
People also apologize. I don't want to hear that 'you're sorry'. I know there really are no other words. Other than, "Aw, man. That sucks." That's about the best response I've gotten in this deployment. It's true. It does suck.
2. The only movies that I should watch must contain a muppet or two.
Anything else makes me cry. I happened upon Forrest Gump the other night. Good Lord. I cried and cried. Even comedies make me cry. Why? I always think, "David would LOVE this movie." Then I cry.
3. The ONLY people who really understand what you're going through are other army wives/fiance's who going through this same deployment--right now.
Please. Don't tell me that you know "exactly" how I feel because your husband was gone last week/for a few days/overnight. I could do a week standing on my head. And I really don't want to hear, "Well, he's only been gone a few months. That's not that bad, yet." Really? That's easy for you to say because you slept next to your husband last night, in your bed, safely. I know you're trying to help me. But it's not working. It just makes me feel worse.
I've been blessed to be able to talk to a few Army wives (Bush's wife and Barnes' wife) and Army fiancee (Smith's fiance) who know exactly how I feel. Liam and I might have to take a trip to Kansas to visit the gals. :)
4. I need to make time to cry. (aka: I should have bought stock in Kleenex)
I've found that when I try to be strong and not cry, it just creeps up on me and the tears flow at the most inoppurtune time (like sitting at my desk at work when one of "our songs" happen to come on the radio). I've found it's best to sit down, take a deep breath late at night and just let it out. This way Steve Perry can't sneak up on me. (Damn you, Journey and your wonderful ballads!)
5. I'm stronger than I ever thought I could be.
I've been through a lot in my 27 years on this planet. I've seen a lot. I've experienced a lot. I never thought I could miss someone as much as I miss Dave. Yet, somehow, I find the strength to get out of bed every morning, go to work, be the best mom I can be to our son and go to bed...just to do it all over again the next day. One day down, one day closer to being back in my husband's arms.
So, for the first "Things I'm learning"...
1. People really don't know what to say.
When people find out that Dave's deployed, they really don't know what to say to me. Some people think it's a good idea to bash the war. I don't know how many times I've heard, "Let's bring those boys home." They learn (pretty quickly) that's really not my stance. And, being an Army wife with a deployed husband, I'd like to think that my opinion is a little more "valid". I recently laid into a political staffer who said, "Well, don't you want your husband home?" Yeah. I do. But being selfish right now isn't in the best interest of the world. The Iraqi people deserve freedom. Just because I want my husband home doesn't mean that they shouldn't have freedom. I also don't think this is a good lesson to show my son. When you do something, you do it right, and you do it until the job is done. Whether we should have gone over there in the first place doesn't matter now. We're there. Let's finish it and do it right. Anything worth doing isn't easy. I don't want my son to think, 'Hey, dad missed out on a lot of my milestones for nothing.' When things get tough, you don't just put your tail between your legs and retreat. That doesn't solve anything.
People also apologize. I don't want to hear that 'you're sorry'. I know there really are no other words. Other than, "Aw, man. That sucks." That's about the best response I've gotten in this deployment. It's true. It does suck.
2. The only movies that I should watch must contain a muppet or two.
Anything else makes me cry. I happened upon Forrest Gump the other night. Good Lord. I cried and cried. Even comedies make me cry. Why? I always think, "David would LOVE this movie." Then I cry.
3. The ONLY people who really understand what you're going through are other army wives/fiance's who going through this same deployment--right now.
Please. Don't tell me that you know "exactly" how I feel because your husband was gone last week/for a few days/overnight. I could do a week standing on my head. And I really don't want to hear, "Well, he's only been gone a few months. That's not that bad, yet." Really? That's easy for you to say because you slept next to your husband last night, in your bed, safely. I know you're trying to help me. But it's not working. It just makes me feel worse.
I've been blessed to be able to talk to a few Army wives (Bush's wife and Barnes' wife) and Army fiancee (Smith's fiance) who know exactly how I feel. Liam and I might have to take a trip to Kansas to visit the gals. :)
4. I need to make time to cry. (aka: I should have bought stock in Kleenex)
I've found that when I try to be strong and not cry, it just creeps up on me and the tears flow at the most inoppurtune time (like sitting at my desk at work when one of "our songs" happen to come on the radio). I've found it's best to sit down, take a deep breath late at night and just let it out. This way Steve Perry can't sneak up on me. (Damn you, Journey and your wonderful ballads!)
5. I'm stronger than I ever thought I could be.
I've been through a lot in my 27 years on this planet. I've seen a lot. I've experienced a lot. I never thought I could miss someone as much as I miss Dave. Yet, somehow, I find the strength to get out of bed every morning, go to work, be the best mom I can be to our son and go to bed...just to do it all over again the next day. One day down, one day closer to being back in my husband's arms.
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