2011...A Look At What I've Learned and Done

2011 was a crazy year.

I continued my work with Mommy's Recess.
I continued my work with The SoapBoxers.
I made new friends.
I made new enemies.
I started using my twitter account more.
I spoke in front of a school board (for the first time).
I continued to speak in front of the school board.
I spoke at a City Council meeting (for the first time).
I continued to speak at the City Council meetings.
I made even more friends.
I made even more enemies.
I helped save a barn.
I did the readings at my husband's Grandfather's funeral.
I read a letter from my mother in law to her dad at the funeral, and I publicly cried.
I used my writing talent to write Conservative articles and was promoted to Communications Director of a National Political Action Committee, all while working at home.
I attended my first Conservative Writers Conference (and made more new friends).
I learned more about couponing and started my stockpile.
I followed a passion of mine and joined a Ghost Hunting group.
I made even more new friends.
I went Ghost Hunting.
I had a physical paranormal experience (was scratched on a Ghost Hunt).
I didn't pee my pants after said experience.
I learned how to do audio review after a Ghost Hunt.
I went to my first Iowa State Homecoming Football game.
I learned how to fill out form upon form to get us into a home that not only saved us money but is much bigger and much nicer than what we had.
I learned how to throw things away (I had to--we had too much stuff).
I learned how to get a kid transferred from one school district to another.
I learned how good it felt to have all of our credit cards paid off.
I learned I shouldn't have closed the accounts after paying the credit cards off.
I started writing even more for Yahoo! News...and made even more enemies.
I had an anti-me tweet hastag created about me. 
I was on THREE radio shows, twice about the barn, once about a Yahoo! News article (and Ghost Hunting).
I learned how to bless a home with the traditional Catholic blessing and Holy Water.
I met A LOT of Presidential Candidates.
I re-learned how to be comfortable in TV interviews.
I learned how to wrap Christmas presents---fast.
I attended my first Iowa State Basketball game....Court side.

I did a lot in 2011. But overall, I learned  more about myself. What my limits are and what they are not. What I thought was something I couldn't do, I did. I surprised even myself.

Here's looking forward to an even happier 2012.

I'm SO not ready for REAL silverware

Liam turned 6 this weekend. On Saturday. And I did okay. I was more stressed about hosting my first Thanksgiving (and cooking my first turkey) on Thursday and having a birthday party for Liam on Saturday (not to mention Black Friday shopping).

I suppose, in my own little way, I kept my mind busy. As long as I was occupied, I wasn't focused on the fact that my first baby, my little "dooder" was turning SIX on Saturday.

We filled his room with green and yellow balloons and gave him a Green Bay Packers blanket, along with surprising him with Aunts, Uncle, Ma'am, Papa and Grandma and Grandpa at his party. And yet, it never hit me. I even lit all six candles and carried the cake to him.

But tonight. At dinner. I asked him to set the table and handed him the plates and silverware and he said, "Mommy, can I have a real fork?" I realized I gave him two adult silverware and three toddler silverware.
"But can't you use the one I gave you," I asked.
"No, Mommy. I'm a big boy. I'm six. I need a real fork."

I don't know what it was, but the "I'm six. I need a real fork" really hit me. He IS six. He DOES need a real fork. And then, I started thinking (which is always dangerous). He's SIX. In ten years, he'll be driving. In eight years, he'll have a permit. In three years he'll probably be taller than me....where is my little baby?? My little dooder?

And I take a breath. Because, only once in a while now, but he still does, after his bath, he asks me to cradle him and sing "he's my baby, he's my baby" like I did when Daddy was in Iraq. He still remembers. I hope he always does. Whether he is 6 or 66.

Discussing Death with the Kids - The Soul Within

We've been blessed. My son knows ALL of his Grandparents and even got to know and love his Great Grandpa Bob. But on Thursday morning, Great Grandpa Bob gave in to his body and gave his spirit up to God.

That's not to say he didn't fight it. We've known for weeks it could be "any time". It was an emotional roller coaster for everyone. I don't even want to know how many miles my mother in law put on her car driving back and forth to Ottumwa. But I'm sure she'd say it was worth it.  

She was the most self-less woman through all of this, always putting her father's needs before her own wants.

I hope my boys care half as much for me as she does for her dad when it is my time. While she faced some hard decisions, she did it with grace. Even though she got more than any one's share of grief for the hard decisions she made, she knew she was doing the right thing.

I know my mother in law and I haven't always gotten along the best. But I know that through it all, she cares for me and I for her. After seeing what she's gone through with her father and her family, I have a new found respect for her. It's almost like a sibling relationship. We pick on each other, but if anyone else says anything about her, I will always be there to defend her.

That being said, on Thursday morning when I got the call, I was at home with the boys. David had already gone to work. Sean and Brendan were napping and I was working on a political article. After hearing the news, I took a deep breath and walked into Liam's room where he was playing with his cars.

I sat down next to him on the floor, took a deep breath and said, "Liam, I need to talk to you."
He looked up at me and said, "Okay, Mommy."
Another deep breath. "Great Grandpa Bob died this morning." Pause. Liam nodded his head. "Do you know what that means?"
"Yeah. I miss him," Liam said with a lip quiver.
"Do you have any questions," I asked.
Liam thought for a moment. "But why did he die?"
I responded, "Because we all die. Do you know what that means?" Long pause between both of us. I continued, "That means you won't be able to talk to him again. You will see him at the funeral, but it is just his body."

Liam responded with the always more mature than his age intelligence, "I know that, mommy. His soul is in heaven with Great Grandma Margie. His body is just a shell. He's not really in there."

Wow. Color me shocked. He's 5 (and a half) and he gets it. He's always been that way. An old soul, if you will. He seems to know more than he should at his age. But maybe that was my doing. He was the one I leaned on while Dave was deployed. I shouldn't call him my "rock" because he was so little...more like "Mommy's Pebble". Maybe he knew more than what I gave him credit for at his toddler age. I mean, he did hear about mortar attacks and his daddy being over there. Maybe it was being faced with his own father's mortality at such a young age that caused him to grow up so fast...and maybe I'm thinking too much.

At any rate, he seemed to understand what was going on. I'm not sure how he'll handle it at the funeral on Monday, but he'll be surrounded by family that loves him, including my father who has volunteered to drive across the entire state of Iowa to sing at the funeral. Dad said, "It's my son-in-law's grandfather. It's family. Singing at funerals is what I do."

And that's what is important at this time. During a family crisis, family needs to come together. My dad only met Grandpa Bob at our wedding, and yet, he's family. Family members care and love each other. They help each other through tough times.

As Liam said, our bodies are "just a shell". 

We need to remember to be nice to each others soul that lies within.

2010...What a Year You've Been....

The year started out calmly enough. In January I was expecting baby #3, we were both enjoying our work and life was good.

February brought our ultrasound date. We were having boy #3. Oh my. Another Bowman boy. We had pretty well decided on the name of Finn, but as our tradition, we weren't telling anyone, just in case we wanted to change it.

March came and went. I succeeded at my first crock pot corned beef and cabbage for St. Patrick's Day.

April meant Sean turned one (how did that happen?) and we finally paid our Corolla off!

May brought flowers and a new sister in law as David's sister married her partner, Sandy.

June brought birthdays! Dave turned 31 and I turned the big 3-0!

July ushered in fireworks...well, right after the fireworks on July 6 boy #3 was born. Since he was not a blondie (Finn means "fair headed"), Liam picked out Brendan. And Brendan fits him well.

August was a month of healing and getting used to having three boys in the house! And preparing Liam for pre-school, of course!

September brought around a lot of soul searching, praying and calculating. We took a leap of faith and decided for me to stay at home with the boys. This way I can follow my dream of writing AND see all of the milestones that I missed with the first two boys. Plus the money we would save on daycare!

October arrived with a new mission and lots of promise. Mommy's Recess was born! An idea that was created during a playdate now has over 1,000 hits a month! We had a great trick or treating event and were ready for

November brought Thanksgiving, Liam's 5th birthday and more writing jobs! I am loving this work at home gig and can't believe my dreams were coming true!

December meant the end of school, Christmas and checkups for everyone. We had a great holiday with family and friends and are looking forward to 2011. What a crazy and interesting year!

And as far as resolutions go....

Happy New Year!

-Sarah

One Year Ago...My Dad's Brain Surgery

This is lengthy and from memory...but worth the read.

It was a year ago yesterday when I saw the strongest man I know, cry. I remember it like it was yesterday.

I was sitting at my desk at Principal and it was late afternoon on Friday the 13th. Nothing bad had happened, yet I never considered myself to be superstitious. I was thinking about our plans for the weekend while sending emails and doing research for clients. A lot of my co-workers had left early for the weekend and it seemed a lot of my clients did as well. The phones were unusually quiet.

I had planned to go to the store after work, for the essentials (milk, eggs, bread) and had a growing list on my desk of items we needed. My phone rang and the caller ID informed me it was my mom. I answered and I could tell something was wrong. Just in the way she said, "Ra" with a sniffle.

She informed me that she was driving my dad to Methodist hospital in Des Moines. My dad NEVER gets sick...except for the time I brought home the chicken pox in first grade. She continued to tell me that he'd been "acting funny". She caught him losing his balance the night before and insisted that he see the family doctor the next day. He reluctantly agreed and the doctor wanted to schedule a CAT Scan for the following week. Mom pushed back and insisted one be done that day. She drove him to another hospital, 30 miles away for this to be accomplished. During the scan, they found blood on the brain and sent the scans to a neurologist in Des Moines. He said that Dad be transported to Des Moines right away. Mom convinced the doctor not to send him by ambulance and she drove him herself.

I tried to process all of this information. I remember tears welling up in my eyes as mom was explaining all of this to me. I think my mouth was hanging open while she was talking. A few co-workers walked by my desk and slowed, as I could tell they knew something wasn't right. I told mom that I would meet them at the hospital. It was going to be two hours before they got here and that gave me time to get the groceries and drop my pumped breast milk off at home.

I spoke with my leader and explained to her what was going on and that I'd be leaving a little early. I informed my co-workers what was going on and told them I'd update my facebook as soon as I knew more. I grabbed my reusable grocery bag I was using as a purse, since mine had broken earlier in the week and I didn't have a chance to buy a new purse, and left work.

I learned that day NOT to go grocery shopping when I'm not in the right frame of mind. I started thinking that family might be staying at our place so I should buy some "quick fix" meals. I ended up buying some Hamburger Helper (which I rarely do) and for some reason, a random can of pumpkin.

I got home, dropped off the groceries and the expressed milk for Sean, cleaned my pump parts and repacked the bag. I kissed the boys goodbye and rushed to the hospital, which happened to be right across the street from my office.

On my way there, I called my mom to let her know I was on my way. She said they had checked into the ER and were waiting for the Doc. I called my brother to let him know I was going to be at the hospital and he could call me if he needed anything. He told me that he "knew about dad's condition for a while now" and that "mom and dad didn't want to tell me to make me worry". I was FURIOUS that my parents had hidden this from me.

When I got to the ER, the nurse was hooking my dad up to an IV. I told my parents that I had talked to my brother, and what he had told me. I asked them how they could have kept something like this from me. They informed me that they didn't know what he was talking about, that this all had just happened and he did not know anything prior to this. The nurse told me, "If you're going to be a distraction, you need to leave." I couldn't believe the way she was talking to me. I apologized to her, mom apologized to her and we realized it was one big misunderstanding.

The Doctor came in and informed Dad that he had a subdural hematoma, blood on the brain. He was going to have to do surgery that night--as soon as all of the blood work came back. The Doctor left the room and my mom started crying. I tried to console her. I tried to tell her that everything was going to be okay. Dad saw how worried mom was and he started tearing up. I assured him that everything was going to be all right. I was trying to be brave for both of my parents.

I called my brother and informed him of what was going on. I called Dave and filled him in. I asked him to call his folks and see if they could watch the boys the next day, as he was scheduled to work. He agreed and told me to keep him informed.

The Doctor came in and said they were ready for him. Mom and I walked with Dad as they wheeled him in his bed down what seemed like an endless maze of hallways, the walls filled with bad hotel-esque paintings. Hallway, doors, turn. Doors, turn, hallway.

We came to the final set of doors. The anesthesiologist introduced himself and informed Dad of what was going to happen. "We'll shave the head.." Dad interrupted and inquired, "Shave the head," and made a gesture of just a small patch of the effected area. The Doctor laughed and said, "We'll see. I'm going to head in to see if they're ready."

I set the bags down and leaned over Dad's bed and gave him a hug. "We'll see you when you get out, okay?"
Dad nodded, tears in his eyes.
"Don't cry, Dad. You'll be fine. You're in good hands," I said while nodding my head.
He nodded. "I know."

I stepped back while Mom leaned in, tears rolling down her face. Dad reached out to her and they hugged. I knew my parents loved each other, but I had never really seen just how much. She said something to him, he responded and they kissed. Tears were now in my eyes.

The doctor came out. "We're ready for you, Mike."

Mom stepped back. I looked at Dad, "You'll be good, Dad. You're good. Even if they do have to shave your whole head. And way to go, Friday the 13th!"
Dad laughed, "I know, right?"
I reached for his hand. "You'll be fine. I love you. See you in a bit."
Dad squeezed my hand, "Love you too, Rah."

I let go of his hand and stepped aside. He reached for mom. "I love you."
"I love you too."
Mom stepped back and they started rolling him through the doors. "See you in a bit, Dad" I said, waving. Dad waved back. The doors closed.

Mom turned into me and started crying. I held her and cried. "He'll be fine, mom. He's good."
"I know, Rah. I know."
"Let's go to the waiting area. Maybe get some food, okay?"
"Okay," she said, wiping away the tears.

Mom and I went to the surgery waiting room and she decided to head down to the cafeteria to grab us some dinner. I agreed to stay and wait with the bags and wait for any news. As soon as mom was around the corner, I let the tears go. I called Dave and my brother to fill them in. And then I attempted to zone out to Wheel of Fortune. Mom returned with food and we ran into another person from Glidden who was there while their in-law (another Glidden resident) was having surgery. It's a small world after all...

After a few hours (but what seemed like forever) the Doctor came out and said Dad was doing well. They were going to wheel him up to the ICU and he'd stay there overnight. We were allowed into the surgery wing and they opened the door to his room. Dad lifted his head when he saw me and gave me a thumbs up.

That evening was scary. I stayed with mom at the hospital in the ICU waiting room. When we couldn't handle the waiting room and the Doctors and Nurses wanted to check him over, mom and I walked around the hospital, window shopping at the gift shop (they had some cute purses, and I needed one, after all) and calling family and friends. Mom sent me home around Midnight. When I got home, I nursed Sean but could hardly sleep. My in-laws had agreed to watch the boys and Dave had called work and requested time off, so he could be at the hospital with me and Dad. This way, mom could go home and get some rest.

The next morning, I got ready, packed milk for Sean while he was at Grandma and Grandpa Bowman's house and went to the hospital. Dave dropped the boys off at his parent's house and joined me and mom. We had to take turns visiting Dad, as they only allowed two visitors in the ICU room at a time. We were all there, however, when they removed Dad's head bandage. They had shaved his WHOLE head. Dad was always very proud of his head full of dark hair. We packed up his things and after they moved Dad out of the ICU, I sent mom on her way for some much needed rest.

Dave and I spent the day visiting with Dad, watching TV and watching him nap. Dave helped Dad to and from the restroom.  At one point, Dad agreed to go for a walk with one of us on either side to stabilize him. Dave looked at me, about half way through the walk and directed me to look at Dad's right foot. He was bringing it WAY up and then back down. I brought this to his attention and he had no idea he had even been doing it. He had been over compensating for so long, he was used to having to work harder to pick up his leg.

When we got back to his room, I asked him to think back. Were there any other red flags? He started in, "Well, on Tuesday, I went for a haircut and I just couldn't get the words to go on the line when I was writing the check."
I started laughing hysterically. Dad looked at me and said, "What? What's so funny?"
I said, "You paid for a haircut on Tuesday? I hope you can get your money back."
We all had a good laugh. Dad sent us home for the evening for him to rest. And for me to rest. I was so tired, physically and emotionally.

The next day, Sunday, the Doctor said he could go home. My Aunt and Cousin came by to visit and see how Dad was doing. Later in the day, mom and dad sent me back home. They said they'd stop by on their way out of town, as Liam (he was three, almost four) was really worried about his Papa.

A few hours later, there was a knock at our door. Mom and Dad were there with a blue grocery bag for me that said, "Iowa Methodist Hospital" and Mom joked that I needed a new purse. I chuckled and Dad handed me the purple purse I'd been eying at the gift shop. I started crying. They said it was a thank you gift for spending my whole weekend with them and taking care of Dad. I explained that I would have done it anyway. He's my Dad.

Liam was so glad to see Papa. We had explained to him that Papa had an owie on his head and the Doctors fixed it. But he had to be careful with the staples.

It wasn't until a month later that I found out I was already 12 weeks pregnant, with what ended up being Brendan, so I was 8 weeks pregnant when this occurred. After all of the stress and lack of sleep, I'm so thankful I didn't lose him.

My miracle dad and miracle baby. One year later, I'm still so thankful to have my dad in my life. My boys love their Papa. I love my dad and I saw how much my husband cares for him as well. 

Friday the 13th isn't all that bad. I saw how in love my parents still are, after 31 years of marriage. I learned how quickly things can change; what seems to be important, in the grand scheme of it all, really isn't. And how you can't take life for granted. In a minute, your whole world can change. Tell your loved ones that you love them. You never know what's going to happen.